Thanksgiving, Iron Bowl & a deb party

I have not "blogged" in some time... I suspect that is because most of the time I feel as if my head and my body are not connected and that I am barely treading water. But that's okay, because I am strengthened and blessed by my career, so much that its not a "career" but more of a lovely journey that I get to be in on every day.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. It's one of my favorite holidays (Christmas is my favorite, by the way) but most especially this year I feel so grateful for those in my life... the parents who entrust me with their children, the people in my life who make everything worthwhile, my incredible, wonderful boyfriend who spent most of the week helping me get my house clean, organized, and everything fixed (two toilets & an overhead light that I couldn't reach!). I feel especially thankful for Charlie, because I waited so long for God to send me the right one... I'm so glad that God gave me the strength to be patient and wait, because the gift was so much better than I ever imagined.

We had a parentless Thanksgiving with my sisters, brothers, and cousins ~ the Bowdens and Mixons met at my house and fiested on lasagna, salad, and dessert. Thanksgiving was, of course, on Thursday, and Charlie and I drove out to his house in Five Points to have Thanksgiving with his family. I watched and pushed the nephews & Jerry on the swings while they played horseshoes. We ate and then Charlie & Lee took the boys outside to play a little backyard football game, which was hilarious in and of itself. We drove back to Phenix City to my family's Thanksgiving, arriving late of course, and being too stuffed from Charlie's family to really eat much of anything (never fear; I had my share of fried corn & ham despite my full stomach).

Friday was Thanksgiving with the Nolan/Bowden clan. I always enjoy seeing my dad's family. There's just something about them that is so warm and loving... we have a truly special family. They welcomed Charlie, as I knew they would, and I got to hold all three babies (Jenny's twin girls & Bo's daughter, Isabelle) which made my mother jealous of course...

Then it was Iron Bowl time!! My favorite gameday of all. The Iron Bowl this year was played in Tuscaloosa, and I was thrilled to get to watch the game with my dad, brother Brady, & Charlie, while Rebecca, Kelsey, Chelsea, Blake, Brad and about 30 of Blake and Brad's friends from Athens were banished to the upstairs. Auburn made me a little nervous the first half, but I never doubted their ability to pull off the largest comeback in the history of the Iron Bowl, which only made it a sweeter victory.

After the Iron Bowl was my sister's deb party at the RiverMill. It was such fun!! The band was great and the food... just right... no fancy smansy food for us, just chicken tacos, cheese dip, etc. Mom & the rest of the deb mothers did a great job on the decorations. The theme was Cirque de Solie so there were plenty of bright colors and an acrobatic artist who performed during dinner.

Matt, Rebecca, Chelsea & Kelsey at the party

Brad & Blake show off their moves at the party

aren't we cute?? me & Charlie at the deb party

one of the table decorations from the party

We all had such a great time & are looking forward to the Cotillion Ball later this month. I guess that's about all... can't believe its already December! Man! Hard to believe that its almost 2011... time flies!

I'm a worry-wart. I worry about everything, all the time. Usually, it keeps me up at night because I can't shut off my brain because I'm worrying about everything - from how to keep Trinity running, to getting more students, to if I'm being the best teacher I can be, to individual worries about each of my students... I'm so guilty of worrying that I've really tried NOT to be that way.

This is what I've learned so far about *not* worrying...
1) You can't worry about things beyond your control. As long as you are doing what God wants you to do, and continuing to follow His plan for your life, He will take care of you. He always fulfils his promises.
2) As long as I am being the best possible Christian I can, to lead by example, God rains down his blessings upon me, and the things I am involved with.

Case in point: we have to pay these things called quarterly taxes to the federal government... something I did not realize when I sat down to look at my budget and what all I could afford to pay these wonderful teachers I have. So we had this amazing night of Gospel music, and the love offering that was taken was EXACTLY THE AMOUNT we needed to pay our quarterly taxes. Tell me God doesn't have His hand on Trinity...

Another case in point: We desperately need more students. My goal for 2011-2012 is to have at least 18... 25 would be amazing... I've been praying for God to bring us students. He knows that we need that extra tuition money every month, even this year. So what does He do? He brings me a phone call this morning from a potential parent-student transfer.

Why do I worry about silly things when I KNOW that God will take care of me & the ministry of Trinity School?

Washed in the Rain

Last Sunday I was washed in the rain.

I was leaving Sunnys restaurant in Valley with Charlie, after Sunday church services, when, upon leaving, discovered the torrential downpour that was pouring from the skies. I wasn't suprised, after all that morning we had sang "Let it Rain" and it appeared that God had heard our cries for rain. It had been two months since the last rain we had, and personally, as a sufferer of allergies, I was more than glad to see the rain pouring down.

So anyway, Charlie and I were leaving Sunny's. He looked at me and said that he would go bring the truck around so I wouldn't have to get wet. Then I was reminded of the following story:

"A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red-haired, freckle-faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mom asked.

"Let's run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain."

"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.

"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"

"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing."

----
And so instead of waiting for Charlie to bring the truck around, I looked at him and said "lets just run through it." He looked at me as if I had lost my mind, which, I'm sure to the people around me, it certainly looked as if I had. Afterall, I wasn't dressed to run in the rain - but I pulled off my flats, rolled up my jeans, grabbed Charlie's hand and ran, laughing, all the way to the truck.

I guess I just felt like I needed washing that day.

When was the last time you ran through the rain?

(story taken from http://www.glowandshinedesign.com/inspirational_stories5.html)

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." - Psalm 30:5

Last night I spent a great amount of time on my knees and this morning this is the passage that God gave me.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18.

I am crushed in my spirit tonight. This week has been extremely rough; I've spent more nights in tears than I have in high spirits... the highlight of the week was Wedesday when I was able to spend some time worshiping God at church, but Wednesday was also one of the worst days. I know that I am not to worry about things that are beyond my control, but I can't help it.

And now this other issue at hand, which I don't really know how to fix. I'm not good at having patience when a person is upset with me... and I really don't do confrontation well, at all. I focus more on not blowing up, or saying the wrong thing and exacerbating the situation, and in this particular case, I was extremely worried about saying something I would later regret, and also saying something that would cause me to go on the defensive, which I would have automatically done if I felt like I was being accused of actions that I hadn't done.

I'm hurt, and my spirit is crushed. I tried to spend some time in the Psalms to alleviate some of this pain, but I can't focus and all I can think about is what I did or didn't say, what I could or couldn't say, and how to fix this whole situation without compromising what I believe in, and becoming the doormat I used to be. I never wanted to get to that phase again; where I was afraid to tell someone how I felt because I was even more afraid that they would abandon me as so many had before. I hate that I am a slave to that fear. Its so hard to forget though, the pain that comes with the abandonment, and sometimes I wish that I could adequately explain it so that he would understand why I am the way that I am, and most importantly that it would be clear that I am a person that is able to be trusted; that I would not do anything to hurt another human being especially not someone I cared so deeply about.

I'm afraid, also, of putting myself in a situation like I was before... of giving up so much of who I am that it took more than a year to put the pieces back together again. That it took so much more than just simply ending it... maybe I still haven't healed. Do we ever heal from a crushed spirit? I wish I knew. I wish that I was able to speak eloquently the thoughts of my mind without being so automatically defensive, and able to make him understand without yelling and angry words. Oh... how I wish that I knew how to defend myself with grace and dignity, rather than becoming so stupefied with mouth hung open, like a fish.

I pray that God gives me the wisdom to say the right things, that He will give me the words I will need. I pray that He gives me peace over fear, wisdom over temper, and the strength to not be afraid of saying what I feel.

"... He restoreth my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake; Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me..."

Radical

I'm reading this book called Radical by David Platt in a Discipleship University study through Valley First Baptist Church. Last week we were asked the question to write down 3 columns: 1) Where we saw ourselves in 5 years (by the way, I'll be 33...), 2) Where others saw us in 5 years and 3) where God wanted us to be in 5 years. The book itself is pretty convicting... in this week's chapter alone, there were several gut-wrenching passages...

Like, you are radically dependent on God to do something in your life that you could never do (p,32).

And... Accept him? Do we really think Jesus needs our acceptance? Don't we need him? (talking about taking the "infinitely glorious Son of God, who endured the infinitely terrible wrath of God and who now reigns as the infinitely worthy Lord of all, and we have reduced him to a poor, puny Savior who is just begging for us to accept him." (37).

Have we ever truly, authentically trusted in Christ for our salvation?

Have you?

Ever since I heard the news yesterday about Heath's murder, I keep having flashbacks to hearing about Carter's death, Kent's death, seeing Bubba on the floor of the Trading Post... so many young men, taken from this world. I was driving down the road yesterday to Charlie's house when I found out that Heath was dead... and appropriately enough, the song "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry came on... it goes something like this "if I die young, bury me in silence, lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river, at night, send me away with the words of a love song..." and while the best memories I have of Heath are from long, long ago - I know that I always considered him a friend, even if it had been months since we had seen or talked. I remember two years ago, hearing him on 99.3, for the CMN telethon. My kids, at Veritas, donated some money to the telethon and two of them got to talk to Heath on air. He made such a big deal out of them - he was just that way; he made a big deal out of everybody... like, he was always happy to see everyone and just live. And the way he played music, man... I remember the first time I heard him at Flip Flops. It was way after Alpha Chi, and after college even, after Heath had come back from Texas... he played with such joy, and sang...

Anyway. My heart hurts for the Jackson family and my stomach aches from Heath's sensless death. And I can't help but pray for the man who killed him. I pray that he is found, and brought to justice, but I also pray that he finds his way to the Lord. I think thats what Heath would have wanted - not that I know that for sure - but Heath didn't strike me as the kind of guy to hold a grudge. Even against the man who murdered him. I think thats the ultimate forgiveness.

Heath's legacy will always live on - just look at how many people are posting memorials on his facebook page. You can tell alot about a man by the kind of memorial he leaves behind, and Heath was one of the better ones.

Rest in Peace, Heath. We will miss hearing your voice, watching you play... but I know that you are singing and playing the guitar for Jesus, and that you are experiencing the greatest reward.