What is Auburn Football -- written by a OKLAHOMA STUDENT

Okay guys, so there I was, just browsing around on the Facebook when I came upon this guy's profile thing that I had met years ago and a St. Patrick's Luau. On his wall was a message, posted by this student from Oklahoma. It's the following....
"What is Auburn Football?
It is the 1/2 national championship in 113 years of playing football
It is sharing a mascot with numerous junior high and pee-wee football teams
It is the smile on Ben Leard's face after throwing an interception that lost the 1998 Virginia game
It is the feeling of anticipation during the walk down Wire Road from your trailer to "The Jungle"
It is having a cute little nickname like "The Jungle" for Jordan-Hare
It is putting up a banner for losing the tie-breaker for the Western Division title
It is throwing a parade for finishing second Again, it is throwing a parade for finishing second
It is and always will be about "Keep it down home, cuz"
It is about having a cute slogan like "AttitUde" or "AUdacity" in order to fire up your fans
It is the hope that one day; Auburn will win a national title without sharing it or being on probation.
It is knowing that if the Tigers finish second, it will be OK because they will throw a parade anyway
It is living up to every stereotype about Auburn by letting the players ride on hay bails during that "victory" parade
It is accepting the National Title from the only person who will give it to Auburn, a 16 year old kid with an AOL account
It is Terry Bowden
It is Eric Ramsey
It is having a head coach who used to cook catfish for a living
It is Napoleon Syndrome
It is Little Brother Syndrome
It is the Red Headed Step Child Syndrome
It is believing 2 Heisman Trophies = 2 National Championships
It is knowing that only one other school in the NCAA has been put on probation more times
It is using Toilet Paper to celebrate a victory and wondering why the world treats Auburn like No. 2
It is canceling the Florida State game a month before the season
It is calling the 1989 Alabama game "The Mountain Top," instead of using that title for a championship game
It is yelling "Punt Bama, Punt" 30 years after that chant outlived its cleverness
It is having a runningback who couldn't pass a third grade English test
It is constantly correcting people that Auburn is in Alabama, not Georgia
It is drawing national attention as a barn burns down next to the stadium during the LSU game It is having a bovine research center less than a mile away from the football stadium
It is the look on Terry Bowden's face as he's about to pass out at the Flora-Bama
It is the plane ride to Louisville
It is having the same amount of SEC championships as Georgia Tech, who left the SEC 40 years ago
It is knowing that you'll never have the prestige and tradition that BAMA has
It is 1/2 National Championship to BAMA's 12 National Championships
It is 6 SEC Championships to BAMA's 21
It is having the sixth best winning percentage in the SEC
It is "Wrong Way Bo"
It is Pat Dye going for the Tie instead of the win in the Sugar Bowl
It is the probations
It is the trailers
It is the cows.....
IT IS AUBURN FOOTBALL!!!"

Let me tell you what I think about all of that. First of all, I would expect it from a Bama fan, as the in-state rivalry is pretty heated around this time of the year. It would be funny if it came from a Bama fan. Secondly, most of it's true... we do have a bovine research facility a mile down the road from our football stadium, we were on probation, there are a great many trailers and cows and yes, we've had our fair share of mistakes and screwups in the past. But let me point out, if we didn't have the cows, or the bovine research facility or the vet school... if we didn't have all of those things which make our university academically great then Mr. Oklahoma doesn't have food and he sure can't take his injured horse to our large animal facility. Those same cows and hicks that are so eloquently put down in the above diatribe are the very ones who feed his scrawny body and take care of his animals. What I take offense to is the fact that this was published by AN OKLAHOMA STUDENT. The same Oklahoma who lost the National Championship in the first quarter... the same OK who shouldn't have even been ALLOWED on the same PLAYING field as USC... The same Oklahoma who has an entire facebook group named after them "How do you spell CHOKE --OK!!".

At least our mascot isn't a Fighting Illini (sp?) or a Horned Toad. I mean damn, at least we've got something more respectable than a Sooner for Crissake. Isn't a Sooner a boat? No wait, that's a SCHOONER. My bad. I can't imagine how I made that mistake. At least we belong to a conference that's worth a damn. The SEC... I don't care if we do have the same about of SEC Championships as Georgia Tech. I'd rather be in the same league running with Georgia Tech and Florida State and Miami than Oklahoma. And my running back may not could have passed a 3rd grade reading test -- but I bet you about 20 bucks he's making more than I do. At least we have a sense of family and respect for each other. We may not like it when Bama or Tennessee or UGA wins, but at least it makes the SEC look good.

I love my university... my college.. my friends, my faculty, my staff. I love my traditions, my athletes, my colors, my mascot and my fight song. You can't change my mind. I was an Auburn fan during the Dye years... the Bowden years... the inbetween years.. the AUttidude, AUesome, AUdacity and Tubberville... and I'll continue to be an Auburn fan. I don't care if we don't win a game for the next twenty years. It goes much deeper than winning and losing. I'll be an Auburn fan til I die. And I'll be dealing with idiotic, insipid retards like the one who made the misfortune of posting the above vomit just like I have all of my life. With a laugh, a smile and the quiet innerworkings of a woman scorned. Don't mess with my team. Don't make statements you can't back and (and losing the Nat'l Championship by a score of so much to not even close isn't backing up your statements) don't tell me that my school is little more than a cow college. I'll agree with you -- and then take away the benefits that my university brings to this region and this country.

A light-sided post...

A light-sided post... hint.. you're supposed to fill it out about me!

Your Basics:
Name:
Age:
Location:
Height:
Hair (color and style):
Eyes:Piercings/tattoos:

OTHER:
1. Where would we go on dates?
2. Who are three of your favorite bands/artists?
3. Do you drink/smoke??
4. Do you like the beach?
5. If so...would you go with me late at night?
6. Do you like movies?
7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night?
8. If you were to take me out to a movie would we watch the movie?
9. If not what would we be doing?
10. Do you play an instrument?
11. If so...what?
12. Would you call me right after we saw eachother to make sure i made it home alright?
13. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10?
14. Favorite body part on a girl/guy?
15. What would you say is the best thing about yourself?
16. Do you have any reps (ie: heartbreaker, player, slut)?
17. Would you give me kisses just because?

What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Manners:
Friends:
Decisions:

Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Buy me a birthday gift:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Go out at 4am to get me chocolate:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Keep in touch:
Make me a snack:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Makeout with me:
Hold me in times of need:
Ditch me:
Use me:
ask me out:
Date me:

thank you!

Responding to the Experiment

Katie and I were talking about my post about the Experiement into the Minds of Men. It started me thinking again. I was suprised to find that the only comment I've gotten so far was some random person sending me to a freakin dating website. Isn't that just so ironic?

I think, partly, that she's right. Inherently, guy's are terrified that they'll find someone equal or better (and by better I mean more intelligent) than they are. Someone who they'll be able to carry on a conversation with and such. I actually talked to Margaret about it before I wrote the blog. I asked her if she had ever dropped her IQ level to get a guy. She just looked at me and said "yeah, I have". I can understand it because I've seen the guys she's dated. And the truly sad thing is that I've done it myself, without even realizing it. In some way I've dropped my IQ level to be more appealing to a certain guy -- by acting a different way, talking a different way, watching my language (big words and such). I did it this weekend.

Guys don't want women to be smarter than they are. That much I understand. It's threatening to them. They've been taught all of their lives, not only by their parents or society in general, but by women like us... by us... by women who are not as intelligent. Think about it. The Female Gender has put ourselves in this position. But at the same time, because of the women's rights movement, if we act too intelligent... too much like a man... too much not like suzie homemaker... then we're feminazis! There's no middle ground! So what's a girl like us to do? Wait until that day when the man of our fantasy dreams will wake up and smell the proverbial coffee?

Even if they are all for women's rights, a guy is not going to have the brass balls to stand up for those rights when he's surrounded by a bunch of other guys. Call it peer pressure, or just a general lack of ballsiness, whatever. But that's the truth. Guys are going to be guys. They will talk about gettin some, the hooters at hooters, girls in short skirts and tight barely-holding-them-in-shirts.. etc. etc. What straight guy in his right mind is going to say "hey, you know, intelligent women are hot."

I am smart. I'm intelligent -- I have a college degree and I'm working on my 2nd. I use words that are not preceded by shit, or m-f, or g-d. That fact alone scares any single guy within range. It's like I have a radar beeping on my head "INTELLIGENT FEMALE ALERT, INTELLIGENT FEMALE ALERT! DON"T COME WITHIN 100 FEET!!! STAY BACK" It's ridiculous.

There's a stigma that comes attatched to all women. Because we have boobs there's no way that we could possibly do anything better than men -- fish, hunt, cook, clean, speak, write whatever. Or not even better -- there's no way that we could be even in COMPARISON to a man. I was two weeks ago that we were solid at the positions of 3rd and SS (his position) and that I was "capable". What the hell does that mean? Capable. I may not be the best 2nd baseman in the league, but at least I make a freakin attempt at catching the ball. I don't just watch it sail over my head and go "oops". Because I am a girl I'm only "capable". But the guys... no they're just freakin perfect at 3rd and short stop.

Excuse me while I go de-girlify myself. I'll just go rip out my uterus while I'm at it.

Redneck Yacht Club

Margaret, Jeremiah, Troy, Stoney, Biscuit and me went fishin' this weekend in Orange Beach, Alabama out of Zeke's Marina on the Misty (captained by Sandy Smith). The weather was good, nobody got sick (Yay! Compared to the last time that Margaret and I went fishin the summer that she lived in Orange Beach and there were 14-foot seas. Everyone told us not to go, don't get on the boat -- did we listen? of course not..), and we had a good fishin' day. Margaret's 6.5 lb trigger fish took the biggest fish of the Misty and is in 2nd place in the October Fishing Rodeo, which bumped mine down to 4th at 4.25 lbs, but that's all good because we managed to bring in more fish than the boys did anyway. It was the first time that I had seen the damage done from Hurricane Ivan two seasons ago; my uncles condo and where the Island Princess condo used to be. We also got to see the Miss Celeste -- God what a boat. My dream boat -- I could live, happily, on that boat.

Things I learned: It's strange to be the only Auburn fan in a crowd of Roll Tide folks (it's like someone put a target on my back and said FAIR GAME), Troy cannot hula-hoop, those dang trigger fish pull down, instead of running out, I can sleep on a boat... both on the couch where even I have to curl up and on the bunk beds, I need to talk more, the Smith family is freakin' CRAZY, it gets really cold out on the ocean at 6am, I can touch squid and not be squeamish (ew), Marge and Jeremiah are really cute together (well I already knew that)...

Italian quote of the day: Alcune cose sono allineare se credete in loro oppure no. - città degli angeli (Some things are true whether you believe in them or not - city of angels)