Health Care Reform

I don't like politics. I am a one-issue voter; I freely admit to that. And I'd be happy to share my one-issue with anyone who asks. But my dad sent me this link (at bottom). I don't know if it was dubbed, or sliced, or anything like that. But I do know that the health care reform bill scares me ~ I've always been taught to work for what I wanted in life. It’s how I was raised. I like to have a choice in who my doctors are. I usually go to people I trust; doctors I've heard about either via reputation or previous experience. I want to be able to have a chance at surviving breast cancer, skin cancer, or whatever other sickness that may come my way and I'm afraid that if my heath care rights are taken away because the percentage of Americans who cannot afford health care (I believe Congressman Rogers quoted 15%?), just because its "not fair" for them. Quite frankly, that’s a load of crap. I grew up in a household where we weren't given things ~ my siblings and I worked for them by doing our "job" well (which, at the time, was our education). I grew up in a privileged household. I freely admit to that, but was taught to appreciate hard work and that the important things in life shouldn't be just "given" to you because you "deserve" them, but because you've worked for them. Its the same principle behind winning by forfeit in a baseball game - sure, you won and its a W in the books, but did you really deserve the win? Same principle as if you cheat on a test or homework. Sure, you might get a good grade and not get caught or get a zero, but at what loss to your sense of self, personal well-being?

What are we teaching the youth of America (and I know - because I DO teach the Youth of America) - that it's okay to accept and give hand outs because someone's life isn't fair? Because they've had a run of bad luck, or turned to drugs/alcohol, or just because they're lazy? I have students who have crappy home lives. They come to me from all walks of life and I’m supposed to tell them that they have to actually put forth effort for what they want in life when it could be just given to them in the “real world?” No.

And I know that many of my friends are democrats; I find no fault in your politics ~ we live in America and are given the right to our own beliefs (because of the men and women who fight/have fought for us to have those rights)

I'm not saying that our current health care situation is ideal and perfect; clearly its not. And admittedly, I don't follow politics enough to have an understanding of the situation. And while I have degrees in English, a masters in English Education & working towards a masters in English lit ~ I don't speak "politics" so I have a hard time understanding all of the politicsese so I googled the health care reform bill & found a breakdown of it in regular language. I don't know where it came from, or if it’s correct, or what.

I do know one thing. What Congressman Rogers says in this clip about the health care reform bill scares me. The government is messed up – there’s a lot going on that I’m not overall thrilled with. I pay taxes, I voted. And it seems to me, that putting the government in charge of health care would possibly make the standards of health care weakened. The government isn’t able to control illegal aliens entering the country (trust me – I’m all for immigration, but I believe there are proper channels that a person should go through), they aren’t able to control spending (clearly the trillion dollar debt we’re in and the failed government bailout program are examples of this), why on earth would anyone think that they are able to control health care? And, last time I checked the United States of America was founded on the principles of the government being OF the people, BY the people and FOR the people – perhaps those who are elected should listen to what the people want?


http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=G44NCvNDLfc
http://www.naturalnews.com/026733_health_health_care_healthcare.html
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2300451/posts

Mutiny! Mutiny!

Last Friday the 7th graders held a mutiny. Their goal: to "discuss their concerns with me about their treatment in class." We discussed it... they don't understand that they can't be treated like 10th graders, because they don't act like 10th graders. They're 7th graders... they act like insecure, immature, 7th graders.

Well. Today, I discovered that the 8th grade is following the 7th grade's lead and also wants to "discuss their concerns" -- just one question: when did I become the hated teacher? For the first time in my teaching career, I had the thought of "I hate my job." Which is wrong; because I can truly say that I love my job. All aspects about it ~ even the parents & the psycho kids. But this... all I can think is it must be something wrong with me. Something that I'm not doing right... something that is making all of this to happen. Short of walking away in the middle of the year - I don't know what to do. I dread teaching the 7th graders for the next half-year. Dread it. I never wanted to be in this position and I can't get anyone to understand what I'm dealing with. I literally feel lost, and drowning. I'm treading water, barely keeping my head above water.

I feel like, personally, I've failed them. All of them. 7th, 8th, 9th... 10th... All of them.

Another Monday is upon us and I'm still overwhelmed... not as much as last week, though I'm not sure why. Something has to give with this masters program, because its kicking my tail. At this point I'm less certain that this is the route I want to go, and yet, at the same time, I know its what I want to do. There's a possibility of coming back to Auburn and being inside an actual classroom (as opposed to online)... maybe I'm one of those people who can't get it together online. I know I've got alot on my plate, though I'd never admit it to anyone and I'm suprised when anyone notices. Taking on more responsibility at work for the same amount of pay - I keep thinking that there will be some kind of reward... maybe not financially, but definintly morally? The boy situation is still up in the air - not really sure what's going on there but I know that he recognizes what all is on Brooke's shoulders - a fact which suprises me because he noticed. Not really sure why, but it does. I've added to his letter... contemplating whether or not to give it to him, as it opens up a part of me that somedays I'd rather left unsaid, but at the same time, I know thats the product of fear talking about I don't want to be that way.

Sam resurfaced briefly, which only induced more feelings of irrational anger & failure.

On top of that, my internet went out Saturday and won't be fixed for three days... which means that I'm stuck doing my assignment (due tonight) either at school, or the library or somewhere else...

... my head hurts.

I'm growing increasingly overwhelmed as I head into this next week. I've started a online masters program and I'm worried that I'm a) too far removed from being in school that I'm out of practice and b) that I'm in over my head. I have four ball games... Monday, Tuesday & Thursday nights. My assignment for the last week is due by Monday at midnight. On top of that I have 40 lesson plans due for the week, teaching full time & the other responsibilities & obligations that my students require. On top of that, there's so much going on in my head that its hard to pin everything down. So many thoughts from Sam and the sense of failure that I have with him. I still wish I could wring his neck for putting us through that. I wish that I had been here when he came by that last time. I wish that he felt that I had cared about him enough to be there and support him when he was in his darkest hour. I feel like, as his friend, I failed him. Its combined with the continual failure as Josh's friend ~ what crappy decisions I made so many years ago continue to haunt me. I know that I should let it go, but there's something in me that isn't geared to do so. I can't stop thinking about him - about what he's doing, about his friendship, about how I am not allowed to see my friends because of Meghan and her irrational hatred of me... why must people act like that? And, more importantly, why do I give a crap?

Then this thing with this boy... God, that probably works on my mind the most. So many thoughts & questions - the why's and wherefore's and what-the-hells... I can't get a read on him. I don't know what he's thinking. I know what he's thought in the past - all the way back ten years or so. But what he thinks now? I got nothing.

On the upside of things ~ Brandon comes home in February and I cannot wait to see him. Its been 2.5 years (it'll be 3 by the time he comes home) and we haven't ever gone without seeing each other for that long. I mean I know we're just friends, but he's one of my best friends. I miss him. I can't wait to see him. He'll be home for a little while & then off to his 2nd placement. Hopefully this time a little closer to home than in Japan.

High School Blues

Tonight, my old friends from high school... the ones who I laughed with, played with, cried with, drank with, ate with and partied with, excluded me from a reuinion at Chef Lees, where we spent a great amount of time during my senior/their junior year. Everyone from our little group will be there. Kenil. Josh. Sam and his wife. Toby. The last four I haven't seen in eight years.

I wasn't invited. Well, actually, thats not accurate. One of my dearest and oldest friends, Kenil, actually had the gumption and the balls to ask if I could come, for which I will always be appreciative. He was told "umm... ahh... egh... well... um... I don't think Meagan would be totally comfortable with that." Meagan is Sam's wife, who, by the way, I have never met, but has managed to hold a grudge against me because I was (once upon a time, almost ten years ago) friends with her husband. Friends with him. Not dated him, not had a crush on him, not anything but was friends with him.

Okay sure. I can't see my friends from high school, the people who meant the world to me then and who I have some of the greatest memories of, I'm not allowed to see because Sam's wife doesn't like me.

Does anyone else see a problem with that? Or maybe its just me.I know that high school is in the past but when the past is keeping me from enjoying an evening with my old friends... isn't that a little, well, crazy? I just think its wrong that a woman who I've never met, never even had a conversation with, somehow has this power over this group of people, who were some of the most important people in my life.

It hurts my feelings. Oh, sure, I know that it probably shouldn't. I should probably get over it. I mean, afterall, I caused all of this mess eight years ago... and maybe I shouldn't let it bother me. But as long as I'm excluded from a group of people who meant the world to me, I don't think thats going to happen. Its going to bother me, because its wrong, on many levels.

I miss them. I miss Sam and how he used to carry my backpack for me, and how we talked about our siblings and being the oldest. I miss Toby and how he was so goofy and funny and had a comment for everything. I miss Kenil, even though I see and talk to him, because he's in New York being all doctor-ey and I don't get to see him often. And I miss Josh, because Josh was my best friend. I miss his conversations and his laughter and his eyes. And how he knew I was upset by looking at my face, and being on the outside of them and their group is upsetting, quite honestly. They were a fantastic, amazing group of friends and I am lucky to have had them in my life.

So here's to you guys, even though I can't be there with you.
Thanks for everything.Much love,~Brooke