Sanctus Real: Lead Me

"...I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes

They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this out home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone"

For the past, oh, about 7 months or so, this song has been my "personal" song, representing two aspects of my life. The first part of the song is my ringtone for Charlie, because I think it epitomizes what I want in a relationship - "stand up, when I can't, don't leave me, hungry for love, chasing dreams, but what about us? Show me, you're willing to fight, that I'm still, the love of your life..." But it's the last half of the song (lyrics above) that I am slowly realizing as my mantra for Trinity and the school that I have found myself to be in charge of. Its a daunting and terrifying task - these children put so much faith in me, as their teacher, to do what's right by them. The only way that I can do that is through God the Father, leading me, showing me the right way... because the truth is that I don't have experience in being an administrator. I have teaching experience, and a masters degree, but nothing that would adequately prepare me for this phase of my life.... Oh Father, give me the strength, to be everything I'm called to be... This is what my prayer has been most... please Lord, give me the strength to do this task You have asked of me.

I am their leader, their director, the person with whom they trust their education... I'm also their friend, their confidant, their disciplinarian. To some, I'm the closest thing to a mom, to others, a sister, even more, their friend. The leaders in education say that you aren't supposed to get that close to your students, you aren't supposed to have a relationship with them beyond teacher and student. I've found that there is great joy in watching these students grow and learn, mature. Some I've seen through three years, and by the time they graduate, I will have been their teacher for five years. That gives me a tremendous capability to strengthen them individually, because I know in which areas they struggle. We are able to grow closer as brothers and sisters in Christ because there isn't a process of adjustment. How lucky am I that I'm able to share that with them?

As my year at Trinity draws to a close - who can believe that? - my prayer remains:

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't you lead me?

Calling Prayer Warriors

Prayer Warriors:

Please be in prayer for The Trinity School. We are in our first year and have a current enrollment of 12 (wonderful, fantastic and amazing students). If you don't know, Trinity is a non-traditional, co-educational, private Christian school. We strive to strengthen Christian leaders through education. It is my goal and mission to be a vessel for Christ, to proclaim and spread His love through my students and for those students to spread the gospel to all that they reach. In order to continue to do this, our enrollment numbers need to increase... specifically, we are praying for 25 to 40 students. As the administrator, I would love to have more, but would probably pull my hair out - but I know if its God's will to send us more, He will give me the ability to handle it.

Please add us to your prayer lists - at church, at home, etc. We desperately need to increase our enrollment numbers and remember, we are praying SPECIFICALLY for 25 to 40 students (both returning students & new students).

I pray that you will recommend our school to those who you may know who are interested in a different kind of education for their children; we teach life, not just academics, and we're a family.

Trinity is a special place, with some truly special kids. Please join us in praying for the next school year, and the future of our school, and our students.

For information, you can contact me, go to our website at http://thetrinityschool.net/, or give me a call at 334-468-8756. I thank you in advance for your support and prayers.

~Brooke

Toomers Trees

I've waited awhile after the initial outcry over the tragedy at Toomers Corner before commenting or posting anything. So much of my Auburn life centers around Toomers Corner, the trees themselves & of course, the iconic tradition of rolling the corner after victories that I needed time to process my own thoughts before committing them into the blogosphere.

Unlike most Auburn fans, I didn't roll Toomers Corner until after I became a student. My dad was the type to "get in and get out" of the football games. The earliest memories I have of Toomers dates back to that fateful day in the summer of 1999, when Margaret, Mom and I went on our first "official" visit to campus. In the process of choosing colleges, we had visited the University of Tennessee, Vanderbilt, the University of Alabama, the University of Montevallo and, Auburn. I was born and raised an Auburn fan - for as long as I can remember, I have been going to Auburn football games. Most of my Saturdays when I was a kid were spent hearing my parents chanting "Go Bo Go" over and over again. Bo Jackson. Iconic great of Auburn football.

My dad and I would go over to the games, coming in right before kickoff and, usually, leaving a few minutes before the game ended to avoid traffic on the way home. We didn't roll Toomers - but that's okay. My first experience with the tree was when I was 17.

Margaret, Mom and I were visiting the campus and the tour concluded with a stop under the canopy of shade. As the campus guide rambled on and on about the traditions of Toomers, I felt a slow shiver go up from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I just *knew* that this place, Auburn, was where I was going to spend the next four years of my life. I knew that in this place of tradition that spanned more years than I have been alive - longer than any person has been living.

The first time I rolled Toomers with the other thousands of fans was magical.. chaotic... crazy... and wonderful. All rolled into one. A man from the crowd struck up a cheer and in unison, we chanted together... "It's Great to Be an Auburn Tiger," "Bottagetta," and "Two Bits." When my sisters and brothers came to the homecoming game that year (2000), I took them to Toomers for their first time rolling the corner. It was the first time my dad had seen it rolled, too. I rolled Toomers every time we won for the four years I lived and went to Auburn.

The last time I rolled Toomers was for the Auburn/Georgia game in 2010. Charlie and I went, because he had never experienced Toomers Corner either. The tradition of rolling Toomers corner extended to my sisters and brothers, (Rebecca, '11, Brady '13, Brad UGA '13, Blake UGA '13) to sharing the tradition with them, now as they are college students at the same university that I attended.

The biggest thing that I think has come out of this is 1) the unity that has been shown from the ticked off Alabama fans, who represent the many outcrying against what the lunatic Harvey Updike did and 2) the spirit of the Auburn family. In trying to destroy an image of the school, 'ol Harvey ended up uniting the most spirited and fantastic of college rivalries. In my lifetime, I've never seen Auburn and Alabama fans more united than they are in this tragedy. And, it is a tragedy. I've seen (and heard) people say "its just a tree" and for them, maybe it is... but for the Auburn family, the trees at Toomers Corner were... ARE more than "just a tree." They're representative of so much more than that, and now, more than ever, the Toomers trees represent the Auburn spirit, the Auburn family.

Maybe the trees will survive. Maybe they won't. But nothing will destroy the Auburn family.

I love how God gives us pushes in the right direction without us even realizing it. My last post was about Evangel Temple, my first church family, and how I was pursuing membership at First Baptist, Valley. I haven't been to a church service at Evangel Temple in several years, more than five really. The last was before I lived in Arizona. Paul Thomas was one of the first people, outside my family, that I told where I was going and what I was to be doing. He was my Sunday school teacher then, and now, lead pastor at Evangel Temple.

However, Sunday night after a great service at Valley First, I heard through the grapevine that Joey Ellis was in town from India. Pastor Joey, and his wife Carla, were my children's pastors. I haven't seen them since they left Evangel Temple, shortly after I was no longer considered to be in "childrens church" but now, instead, Alpha Chi, or the youth group. They are in the States for a short time, traveling among various churches and visiting family. And so, I returned to Evangel Temple for one, last time. I was pleasantly surprised at how many faces I recognized - and that anyone had recognized me. But while a part of me will always consider ET "home" - I found myself weighing the differences and likes/dislikes between the two churches (Valley First and Evangel Temple). From the style of worship, to the ages of the members... it was different. That's definitely what I expected - Assemblies of God and Baptist are two different denominations. The people hadn't changed - every church has its problems and I'm not going to list ET's, but I guess suffice to say, the same issues that I felt when I was a teenager are still prevalent today.

I truly enjoyed hearing Pastor Joey and Mrs. Carla speak, seeing Paul Thomas & Kelly, Mrs. Karen.... there were more faces I recognized, but wasn't able to chat with them. I'm glad I went, but I'm ready to move on.

Leaving Evangel Temple

For most of my life, from birth to about the age of eighteen, I belonged and attended church at Evangel Temple in Columbus - wonderful place. The pastors there, as I was growing up, were wonderful. Some are still there, while others have gone on to other things. There are a few I remember well; from my younger days, Watson McKemie, associate pastor, is the only one left. Joey Ellis, my former children's pastor, now serves in Rajasthan (where even is that?). Jeff & Libby McFalls, my Youth pastor and his wife now serve at Medart Assembly of God. Probably the most influential man, at least to me, was Pastor Hal Stewart. He was the minister of music for the entirety of my life, directed my performance of The Victor in 1993, watched my growth from Rainbows, to Daisies and Prims through the STAR program (Susannah, Tabitha, Anna and Ruth). He had one request of me; that when I turned 18, I would come and sing for him and join the choir. Unfortunately, time got away from me and I was never able to do that. Pastor Hal passed away in 2002, after a massive heart attack. I still remember where I was when my mom told me that he had died... we were going out to this lady's house to look at a pair of beagles for the Triplets birthday. We were on the way back home, having picked up two pups, and I was cradling the black & white & tan pup. Mom said, "Brooke, Hal Stewart passed away this morning."

I was dumbfounded - in shock - this man, who I had thought would live forever, was gone. Hal Stewart, and the other men of Evangel Temple, had a profound influence on my life. Joey Ellis was my children's pastor - and ultimately was the one who led me to faith in Christ. Jeff McFalls, and the Alpha Chi youth group, were a part of the most formative years of my life. Some of my best memories from church involve the other members of my Alpha Chi group - Paul Fincher, Heath Jackson, Jose Roman, Thomas McBride. As a child, I didn't realize how big Evangel Temple was. I was content in my cocoon of the children's church, then youth. Unfortunately, I never got to experience Evangel Temple as a full-out adult. After I left for college, the new youth pastor (his name, unfortunately, escapes me) told all of us college-age students that we weren't allowed to come back to Alpha Chi. Please understand - I don't think that 19 and 20 year olds should be mixed in with 13 and 14 year olds, but at this time, Evangel Temple's college ministry was nonexistent; we had no where else to go because most of us had grown up in that church and felt weird going to "big church" as we called it. The adjustment was odd. When I did go to "big church" I usually found myself in the back row, with the boys from Carpenter's Way Ranch. (Seems my interest in helping boys from non-conventional pasts is a theme in my life).

I briefly attended Sunday School with Paul Thomas (now the lead pastor) in my parents Sunday school class up through 2005 when I left for my ministry internship with ACMNP. After I came back home, my parents had started attending Wynnbrook Baptist Church in Columbus, because of their youth program and my brothers and sisters had friends who went there. I've only been back to Evangel Temple once since then, a Sunday morning when it struck me how huge the church was and how small I felt inside it. Evangel Temple is where I was dedicated to the church (12.23.82) accepted Christ as my Savior (7 years old) and was baptized (10 years old). It's more to me than a church home - it's been my "home church" for twenty-nine years. It's like leaving a part of me behind when I finally take the step and join another church, leaving behind my Assembly of God heritage and the church I grew up in.

I suppose thats why I've taken so long to make the decision to join another church permanently. I attended Hilton Terrace for several years, consistently, grew in the Word and truly enjoyed the people, the smallness of it, and especially the pastor and his family. The Calhouns are like an extension of my own family, and I'm blessed to have them in my life in various ways. After Bro. Kevin left Hilton Terrace to take the interim position at Wynnbrook, I traveled back over there, where my family had continued to go. While Wynnbrook is a wonderful church, with some good people, it wasn't "home" for me. And so, I made the decision to strike out and find the place that God intended for me to be. Somewhere, in the back of my head, I thought that it would take awhile, and that it would be the church that I would raise my family in. Even then, I knew that I had no intentions of jumping from membership to membership of churches.

Enter in First Baptist Valley (or Valley First, depending on what mood I'm in to call it). This church is unlike any other Baptist church I've been in. First... they're about the most evangelical Baptists, which is something that I love because it reminds me so much of Evangel Temple. Second, I feel like family when I'm there. I think that's partly because of my relationship with Charlie and his affiliation with the church body, but in the eight months I've been going there, they have made me feel like family. I count the members as my friends. I feel comfortable going to church alone there - as in, when Charlie is unable to make it- which is a huge step for me. This from the girl who doesn't enter a room unless with someone, and makes her boyfriend come outside to get her from the parking lot before coming into the building.

I finally took the step of attending a membership class and going through the process of becoming a member, something I haven't had to do. At Evangel Temple, I was baptized and became a member through my parents membership at an early age. The idea of a membership class is foreign to me, though appreciated. It helped me to see the commitment I was making to the church, and their expectations from me. It's harder than I expected though, to leave my Evangel Temple membership behind (though truthfully, I doubt anyone at ET considers me a member anymore; its been so long since I darkened their door). I suppose thats because there's so many memories that I have - so much of my Christian life is wrapped up in the people that make up that church, and the beliefs. I've always accepted what I was told, naturally bought into the idea of Christ dying for me, of God giving up His only son, for my sins. This decision has always been mine to make.

My life is changing and Evangel Temple no longer feeds my needs, in my spiritual life, and hasn't for awhile now. Not because of the leadership, because I adore Paul Thomas and his wife, or because of the people in its attendance, but because my life has changed. The church is the body of Christ - Romans 12:3-5 says: For by grace given to me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us as one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. I'm sure that my interpretation isn't correct, but for today, what that means to me is that each of us (individual churches, regardless of denomination) make up the body of Christ - together - each member belongs to all the others. My Assembly of God heritage will not change simply because I am choosing to be fed by the Baptist church. Quite possibly, I will always consider myself an "Assembly of God girl". But, as I said, my life is different now than when I was eighteen; fourteen; ten... I have different needs and those needs require different nourishment. Nanny (Nell), who was one of the most deeply spiritual women I know, and whom I can't wait to greet when I get to Heaven, would ask me if I was being fed spiritually from the church I attended, regardless of where it was. The answer is yes, now, I am.

My heart is heavy tonight for my friend Michael who buried his father today. I met Mr. John about four years ago when Michael brought me home for a firefighter's banquet one weekend. We weren't dating; just friends, seriously (I promise!). Apparently, he hadn't brought anyone to that particular firefighter's banquet since awhile. But anyways... my paths crossed a few times with Mr. John. He was a good man, a strong man. Michael and I eventually did date, and even more eventually later, broke up, but the Harpers weren't far from my thoughts. I liked his parents and I appreciated Michael's closeness with his father. I've talked to Michael this week, several times, and I know that both he, and his mother and sister are at peace, because now John isn't in pain anymore and he is free, but I also know how tremendously John will be missed. Michael and I broke up four years ago, shortly before his grandmother passed away. I didn't go to the wake or the funeral, because of the weather (also the reason that I couldn't go to wake or funeral this time, ironic, right?) So, even though I know that his family is at peace, my heart is still heavy for the loss of John Harper.

My spirits were lifted tonight by good conversation with some wonderful friends, fabulous food, and a lot of laughter. I have some pretty spectacular friends, brought into my life by my even more spectacular boyfriend. Awesome stuff happens when you wait for the right guy God has picked out for you.

Today is one of those days where I just want to throw up my hands and walk away… go to teach somewhere where I’d get paid real money instead of $700 every month. I just want to bury my head in the pillow and cry, because I feel like my school is failing with me as its leader and I wonder if someone else is better suited. I know its my own fears, and my own insecurities, but it’s one of those days. Fortunately, I haven’t had many, if any, since opening Trinity, and I’m kind of surprised that we made it to February without having days like this. Of course it’s been hard, but a good kind of hard… not the kind of hard that just hurts somewhere in your chest, like your heart is breaking. I know it’s lonely in the business of being self-employed… and believe me; it is for sure but today is one of those days. Maybe I took on too much. Maybe I really can’t do it. – Shut up, Brooke. That’s not you talking. I just want to leave and get away and get out of here. I know my dad is right – I can’t please everyone and as long as I’m doing what God wants me to do, that’s all that matters.

I'm one of those really and truly lucky people who seriously love their job. I love everything about it, but what I love the *most* is getting to see my students grow and discover who they are, what they believe and why, and become young men and women. I think that is one of the most special things that a person can be a witness to. Not only that, but I've also been privileged to watch them grow and mature in their relationship with Christ. I've been a part of some of them coming to know Him as their personal savior, which is an honor that surpasses most anything I've been able to experience as a teacher.

But, I'm worried about my students. So often, we become complacent in our lives as Christians, that we forget or lesson God's place in our lives. The direction - continually trying to live like Christ lived - that we are heading becomes lost in the mist of life. I gave my students a writing assignment today, asking them to name the top five relationships in their lives, and then rank them in importance from 1 to 5. In scanning their papers, I could see their lists... one out of my nine students ranked God in the number 1 spot... One. In their other lists (by their own admission, I might add), He wasn't even listed. When I mentioned it, there were excuses.. I didn't know if that was okay to put, or I didn't think that was an answer. And the thing is, I don't doubt my students faith or their belief in God. I've been with these kids for three years; I've seen their faith strengthen in some and seen others come to know Him in a way that makes me imminently proud. But there is something wrong when a simple list, requesting that you rank your most important relationships doesn't include God. Maybe I'm expecting too much. They are high schoolers after all... but, if they don't even recognize God the Father as having a place in a simple list - whether by simple ignorance or just not recognizing His importance... how will they be able to join the battle?

This was the first and probably the simplest part to the assignment. The writing assignment went on to ask them to grade themselves in the areas of: attitude, servitude, cleanliness, poor in spirit, humility, merciful, pure in heart, peacemaking, loving others, respectfulness, honesty, integrity, compassion, self-discipline, ambition, slothful, proliferate drama & tension, positivity, sow seeds of discord, and morality. I'm sure, given time, I could have made this list longer, but basically its based off of the beatitudes in Matthew, the 10 commandments and other values of a Christian. I didn't want to blast them, but I had hoped that they would be honest with themselves about their own shortcomings. We all have them. We are better in ways and lack in others.

It was a five step process, the writing assignment was. I wanted them to evaluate their lives, to consider that if they were standing trial for being called "Christian" - would there be enough evidence in their lives to be convicted?

I called them - challenged them, really - to look within their circle of friends, and to judge whether or not it was selfish not to share the saving grace of Jesus Christ with their friends, by their words, by their actions, how they treated one another and by how they lived their lives.

Were they living their life like Jesus lived his?

Were they spreading the gospel, going to the nations and making disciples of everyone (Matthew 28:19), or... were they simply sitting on the sidelines, not willing to get their hands dirty in the battle?

It was silent for ninety minutes. The only sound that could be heard was the tapping of fingers against keyboards and pens scratching into paper.

I told my students that I wasn't asking to read their papers that they wound up writing... that, of course, if they wanted me to, I would, but that reading them would not affect their grade in anyway. One of them shared with me. I was deeply proud of this student, because after looking inward at herself, she had enough courage to take what was a personal topic, and allow me to read it, without fear of judgement or repercussions or shame.

In a way - and I am no no way comparing myself to Jesus - but, in a way, thats how we should be when we fail Christ... when we stumble along the way. We shouldn't be afraid to share and come to repentance with Him. He is God, He is all-knowing, He is omniscient. He is everything - the Alpha and the Omega - the beginning and the end. We are forgiven by the blood of His sacrifice. We are born into sin, with a sinful nature... I think it takes great courage to admit your failures and the areas that you struggle in. To readily show that you fail (because we all do). Your personal struggle will help another brother or sister in Christ to deal with their mistakes and sins.

I think one of the greatest examples of being simply human and sinning is King David. He was a man after God's own heart, but David sinned - he committed adultery and lusted and basically had a man murdered, and yet, David was one of the greatest men in the history of our faith. Jesus Christ was descended from the house of David; what an honor that had to have been.

As their teacher, I try to be an example for them to follow - scary, at times, but I really do try. I try to relate to them as teenagers, because I remember what it was like to be a teenager. I try to show them the importance of having responsibility, not just in their personal life at home, but at school. To take ownership in the place where they are educated, in the cleanliness of the rooms, in the order of the tables and chairs. It's important to me that they understand that nothing in this life is given to them. They have to work for what they want - and its important to take care of the things that belong to them. I try to show them about service, and having a servants heart, and being willing to help those around them, not being lazy. Diligence, and hard work, are vital parts of life and I wish that I could show them those things. I pray they know how to learn to manage their time, complete all of their work and not waste precious moments of the day by being lazy and unmotivated. There are times to laugh, goof off and enjoy each other but work comes first.

I don't know that I have succeeded in these objectives, but I sure have tried.